wedding goes on...wedding goes off

Late last night it happened and surprisingly when TK least expected it.

No longer will we have to endure that horrible and repetitive question of "when".

While many thought it was overdue, all have received the news well and are glad that another milestone can be marked off what has been a good year.

That's right dear readers...Brittney and K-Fed have filed for divorce.

It happened while TK and i had a romantic meal at forty-one (excellent in all respects but the coffee was disappointing - a must for food lovers) and i was so shocked that i dropped to one knee to recover. While i was down there i proposed to the lovely lady but that's whats not important here.

Sure, the relationship that i have with TK has been described by Ted Theodore Logan as "most excellent", and to see that commitment being set in stone (quite literally) is wonderful, but it does not capture the heart as much as an innocent global teen-idol turning in to the richest trailer park trash to ever walked this revolving rock.

Perhaps she caught wind that i was soon to be off the market and decided to leave her cashed up dancer dude to have a crack at the ultimate - a slowly fattening, Jewish-Australian manufacturer.

TimeWastin
Funny photos provided by the Captain:

Australian Idol 2006 - Final 4 - Damien Leith - 2nd Song

This is for TK - who thanks to my computer missed her favourite idol perform her favourite song. Sorry babe.

Mitch Hedberg The Movie

Renter rules

I have been to busy to scratch myself let alone write anything but i have realised that without this regular relief on to the wider world web i am not complete. Funny thing this blogging thing. I have never been much of a diary keeper or writer in general but being able to sit down and get the grey matter cleared in a structured format is very enjoyable. i recommend it to all as a good way to pass the time and improve ones touch typing.

For those fans of the Beverley Hillbillies please read to the tune of the theme song:
Come let me tell you about a man named Joel
jewish factory worker barely kept his stomach fed
then one day he bought a house with Tam
and up from their brains came the idea of neg-a-tive, gearing that is.

Well the first thing you know Robert M is the new tenant
things went well but we wanted to move him out
although a 12 month lease is to what he did agree,
its 14 months now and we need take things further, legally that is.

Well it doesn't fit perfectly to the theme but it should give you the general idea of the troubles we are having with our property in Maroubra. TK and i were looking to move in this month but it seems that has been put back at least 3 weeks. While this is disappointing and incredibly frustrating, the part that is aggravating me the most is the limited rights i have as the property owner versus the tenant.

From what my agent tells me is that we set a date for them to vacate the premises and if they are not out by that date we have to give a breach notice and give them another 14 days to vacate. Then if they are still not out (over 2 weeks after the original date) then we can take them to the tribunal who would give them between 1 and 4 weeks to vacate. So after all this bollocking around the wash up is that we set a date and then they could legally move out up to 6 weeks after that - wish i had that leniency from my tradies who we had booked in for end of October.

TimeKiller
Slezmak provides - Aussie Quiz

BDAY FOR TK

Today is TKatz birthday - HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!

To the woman who puts up with all my good and bad points i raise my glass to you, on this day of celebration of you entering this world. Hopefully work does not destroy you today and you have a most excellent day.

To all the rest - happy Tuesday.

TimeKiller:
Cats (not Katz) is stupid - video
Mentos the fountain maker (must try at home) - video

So hard to get wet

Water.
Reduced rainfall. Drought.
Some rain. Harsher drought.
Some more rain. Even worse drought than last time.
No rain. A drought so bad that people start thinking about the previous droughts and start thinking how good it was back then. Still no rain.

That was a very quick time line of Australia's water history and in case you didn't notice the trend it is getting dryer on this massive island. The surprising thing about the above sequence is that when the average person looks at it they can see the trend, yet when a politician looks at it they see something completely different.

Water is fast becoming the worlds most valuable resource yet the powers that be seem to think it is something that we can do without. With Australia being the driest island on the planet, something that we have always been, and global warming around the corner its amazing that i still do not see any plans to resolve the current water problems.

While i have heard about desalinization plants and pumping water from x to y all these things are ultimately stupid ideas. They will solve the supply of water to areas temporarily but the costs of the water that they deliver is far too high, ignoring the fact that it does not actually address the problem of our limited supply.

The logical solution is recycling of water but there is a certain stigma of drinking urine and feces. This was recently portrayed in Queensland with Toowoomba council giving the public the deciding vote on the town switching to recycled water - a resounding negative. But is it any wonder? While it is a scientific fact that recycled water is of a higher standard than our drinking water, but place a nice big "bondi cigar" on the table and ask someone if they want to drink that. Science, as with the precious water, guts flushed down the u bend. While i can appreciate the apprehension of people drinking recycled water there is no reason why that same water can not be used for industry, gardening or even the toilet water itself.

Or perhaps i am missing the obvious - if we ignore the problem long enough the country areas will collapse, forcing rural people into larger towns, reducing the need for servicing the outback. With no need for rural service Telstra's costs will be slashed and finally investors will be interested in T3.

TimeWastin:
Cohen supplied these great excel games - download them here

Smith - i hope i pronounced that right

Yesterday i went to watch Sydney FC take on Queensland Roar (stupid name) at Aussie Stadium, with me mate lewko. While the result was a draw, for me, the highlights of the game were many.

The first and foremost is to drink beer at a sporting event with a mate - simple but you can not beat it. No matter what the event but if there is a crowd and an option for having a bevvy with a friend, i am for it.

A close second was Benito Carbone and seeing what a true world class player of football can do. While he did not get the supply that he would have liked to see him with the ball at his feet was special. It is often said of the great ones that they do not run on the pitch but they glide across it, and seeing him take on defenders really proved that. To say that he was silky would unfairly increase the smoothness of the silkworms finest, and decrease his prowess on the field. In short i think i have a slight man-crush on him and am very keen to get a kick around going (interested parties let me know)

The other pleasing thing to come from that game was the size of the crowd. 17,000+ fans at any game of soccer, particularly given the sudden cool snap and gale force wind that hit Sydney late in the afternoon, is a great turn out. To put it in perspective that is higher than the average NRL crowd but still about half of the average AFL crowd. To be fair AFL is often highly attended with poor television ratings and the NRL have the reverse but i think it is fair to say that the A-League is hitting its target market and getting bums on seats. Add to that the large number of younger kids/families that were at the game seems to me indicate that the future is very bright for this competition. Rugby League seems determined to get rid of fans and just have a television audience, with games being played later in the day and more night games, making it impossible for young kids to attend. Aussie rules is still in a very strong position but due to the lack of performance from the victorian clubs, the calls for fewer Vic teams to strengthen the playing rosters, is gaining momentum. While this will not effect the game it will effect supporters who may be looking for a new outlet for their sporting passion.

All of this is playing into FFA hands and ensures that when HKewell decides to hang up his boots he will come back to a very strong competition and no longer play that sport for poofters,wogs and sheilas.

TimeWastin
Gold - Webcam strip goes wrong (Caution: a little bit of breast)
Bubble shooter - game

No more pointy end :-(

October is a lovely month. Daylight saving kicks in giving me a decent chance at getting to the beach after work for a dip. TK has her birthday on the 17th as do the Captain and Senor Persky - not quite the holy trinity but short of their ability to walk on water, they are quali-ty. It is also the month that generally starts to get more flesh exposed in public, skirts start to rise and sleeves start to shrink. All these things are great by me and feel that they could not happen in a better month but there is one drawback to month number 10 on the charts - no more footy.

As a New South Welshman and more specifically a Sydney resident the only Aussie rules team is the swans and the boys made it all the way to the grand final. While we did not get to bring the trophy back to the SCG for the second time, the swans did turn a potential "bending over" to the greatest final this decade. While i never doubted my team, it was with much swearing and disbelief i watched what could only be described as a SHITE first half of football by swans. Thankfully the second half they got their collective asses into gear and played the game that is deserved of a team wearing that jersey - it was a great effort by the red and the white and i honour the name by day and by night.

For those sport fans out there the previous 5 weeks have been nothing but TOP SHELF. Not only did we get the weekend of the boot (AFL and NRL finals) at the pointy end of the month but we were also treated to A-League, Premier and UEFA champions competitions starting to emerge. Add to that the aussie womens b-ball team totally dominating the world championships and bringing home the bacon (Mmm... holiday meat) and there is no denying that September is the sports fan golden 30 days.

So to all the teams and staff who busted a gut for my entertainment i raise my glass to you and eagerly await what next season has to offer.

Also to all the partners/wives/girlfriends/boyfriends who have to put up with a September addicted nut like myself, you are the silent few who are never given the thanks deserved, and for that reason i assure you that you now have our full and undivided attention... as the cricket season does not start till December.

TimeWastin:
Take your pick - games galore

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars? "Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?" "Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."

No time just wanted to share the love

I have not been free in a long time - work is hectic at moment - but wanted to quickly share the love to all out there who know me. If you are of the faith Happy New Year and may you be sealed in the book of life and if i have done any wrong by you, i apologise.

If you are not a member of the chosen ones then Gday and come on the SWANS!!!

TimeWastin:
Borat is funny - end of story
New Year broken down old school - video
The coolest piano song ever - video

Amplitude or Frequency

Driving to work this morning i was horrified by what i heard - something that made me question myself and my values...while it was no more than the normal drivel that one normally gets in breakfast radio, it was not the content but the style in which it was delivered that shocked me. It hit me straight between the eyes somewhere after the traffic but before the sport...and i changed channels just to be sure...but after checking there was no denying... I HAVE STARTED TO LISTEN TO AM RADIO!!!!!!!!!

This is devastating. I have always thought of myself as fairly young and with it, while never jumping on the latest bandwagons, i had the knowledge of said wagons and their destinations. I have always prided myself on my music collection and how up to date i was on latest sounds and gigs. All this was largely due the 45 minutes i spend in a car each day listening to the radio to and from work. With the best that triplej had to offer, mixed with a bit of random flicking, and the recent inclusion of Fbi, i was well and truly sorted and had my fingers on the pulse (well my eardrums on the beat, as it is impossible to touch music unless you take those special happy pills/mushrooms).

But somehow over the past week or 2 my radio has been limited to the amplitude modulations of Sydney and i have not had an issue. This is the biggest indication to me that time is progressing and i am getting older. While i am not at the stage of complaining about children having no respect for elders or that the music is too loud (possibly due to hearing loss - thanks concerts with speaker systems so huge they have their own postcode) i am also surprisingly interested in hearing about the state of local politics and other boring and crap issues.

Perhaps my car radios inclination towards the "oldies" band is a reflection as to whats on offer. In my defence, i think the state of music at the moment is boring, triplem have screwed with their playlists too much, triplej have terrible morning show and fbi is often forgotten as it is not in my presets. Also coming into September, when all sports either starting or finishing, it is the time when AM radio shines with sport on all stations except the talk back, and they are talking about sport. The universe is working against me and trying to crush what remaining youth i have - damn you unoriginal artists and your sportstar bedfellows.

Perhaps i should accept that from now on my stomach will be expanding, i will be getting increasingly forgetful, money is not worth what it used to, kids are getting away with murder and i will becoming frequently forgetful... or i could just listen to cd's instead.

TimeWastin:
Balls to face video- not the teabag kind
New Carlton beer ad - flashbeer

Double the fun

Just because i have nothing better to do i have started a second blog dedicated to my stomach. Basically TK and i eat at places so often i want to let people know if its worthwhile. check out the first review here - dinner last night.

TimeWastin:
Video of failed humping - cow style
Best car ever - thanks weeds

Steve Brock or Peter Irwin

I must apologise to the very few who actually check out this page regularly as i have been away and neglected it. In the past weeks i have been interstate for more days than i have been here and as a result have not done crap on the blog. i will try and be a better blogger but if not - deal with it.

It would be wrong of me not to add my dos pesos on the untimely passing of the crocodile hunter and peter "perfect" brock. i am not sure if its a reflection on me or the pull off this person but i will always remember where i was when i heard the news that the croc hunter was gone - looking for a park in a Perth garage. At the time i thought that it was maybe 6 months after april 1 and those wacky radio djs decided to do a half aprils fools. Alas, by the time we had pulled the hand brake on, it was confirmed that the catch cry of "crikey" was the newest addition to the endangered list. While i was never a huge fan of him and when i heard the initial news of his death assumed that a salty had enough bullshit with this whole "moving the chicken just as i go for a bite" routine and went for the other white meat, i immediately felt the lose. The crocodile hunter had just the right amount of larikin and passion that made him immediately identifiable to all, as a true Aussie. While many questioned his handling and dramatics he did more for nature and wildlife in this country, as well as marketing Australia as a eco tourist hotspot, than any i am aware of - except for captain cook. To his family, i wish you long life.

The king of the mountain - the name said it all. While i never claim to be a rev head i, like most men of the eastern suburbs, have probably spent a lazy afternoon watching cars go around in the hope that there would be a crash. it was during these arvos that i found myself to be a bit of a ford man, possibly the aussie in me likes the underdog, but also admiring the one they called Peter Perfect. It was Brocky that actually made me want to watch a car race that went for 24hrs in 97 as it was his final race - i never lasted more than the first 3 laps and tuned back in for the finish - but was glad to see that the man started his final race where he belonged, in pole position. While i cant drive manual, i could recognise both the face and voice of peter brock no problems. To Peter's family, i wish you a long life.

And to all those poor bastards born this week and to be named steve brock or brocky irwin stay away from cars and wildlife.

TimeWastin:
South Park episodes - entire series
Not for the faint hearted - polar bears - DO NOT MESS WITH

Funkin for Fatty

Just a quick one today and really more of a plug for a mates band - Goodjohnson. While the lead is a little hairy he does good music. I recommend all to check out the myspace site for them and listen to some of the free tracks they have - excellent to have in the background while you work on a powerpoint presentation (or typing a blog). Tonight is the end of their very successful residency at the Excelsior hotel and all should attend because you can then say to the cool people that you used to see them in pubs and they were so much better before they went mainstream. If you are lucky you may even be able to buy the band a drink (or 2) and then you can tell your kids of the night you and the Gj-crew hit the turps and you woke up in a puddle of unknown liquid with your shoes in your back pocket and a strange rash that does not seem to go away - not speaking from experience ;-)

Also went for a great meal last night with TKatz to the Nelson Hotel in the junction. While i have been there a few times for the liquids on offer, i have never actually eaten, even though i have heard some good things. The reason we ended up there was i wanted Mexican and with the demise of Montezuma's at bondi it is impossible to get good (read: dirty), cheap and tasty mexican on the east. As a last resort we went to the mexican opposite the Mill Hill and after looking at the prices it was decided we move along - PLEASE for any readers out there let me in on any hidden mexican gems on the east. As luck would have it TK suggested the Nelson and our fate was sealed.

The Nelson is a dank and nasty pub - I loved it, TK was having second thoughts. The public bar at the front is part of the appeal with the decor and style that is a true aussie pub. If you can think of any aussie movie made in 80s. that had a pub scene in it, then you have this pub. Dodgy memorabilia, stale beer, old school stools around the counter the whole deal - even blokes smoking winnie blues! If you go around the back then you will find the dinign area with some excellent pub food at great pricing. Last night we had the Bangers and Mash and the $10 steak special and both were gold. While i have eaten cheaper stakes in other pubs it was worth the extra money as the quality was great and the meat was very well cooked - i have gone to places that charge over double for their steaks and could not hit medium rare if their jobs depended on it. The bangers were very good quality thick beef (so no questions need asking for the chosen people out there) slobages, not to the level of the Bellevue, but at 12.50 it was a done deal. The menu was vey large for a pub and had options for those unlucky vegetarians - all in all a great place.

TimeWastin:
Goodjohnson myspace site
Laughed my arse off - the slingshot ride
Uphold the law - sniper style

Sport in Drugs

It seems that in the past weeks it has been impossible to open a paper without some sport star being busted for drugs and i, like the rest of the sporting public, but unlike the sports governing bodies, am not surprised.

It started with the race and the sport most often assosciated with drug scandals - Le Tour de France. With the recent domination of this race by senor Armstrong and his seemingly impossible back to back victories the race has had drug clouds over it since his second win. To add to that the huge blood doping scandals that resulted in not only the highest ranked racers but entire teams banned from competition it is of no surprise that this years winner was under question. For those who are not aware Floyd Landis won the race after pulling a miracle out on the 17th stage that saw him go from almost 10 minutes behind and falling fast, to being 3rd and only 45 seconds behind the leader. All commentators thought that it was a super human effort and, as his pee showed later, it was. Never was the concept of having a clean race really addressed or expected but that it was the winner who got caught was the surprise. The only real question to be raised out of this recent scandal is of Le Tour itself - is it so ridiculously demanding that drugs are not only used but required to get your team to the finish line.

Then we move onto the next sporting arena in which the general public all agree is a drug smorgasbord but never proven to be so - track and field. The number of former sprint kings and queens who have come up the wrong side of the testing regime is as long as a long list of something long. In recent times the fastest man in the world - i say fastest even though he officially is equal fastest, but his running time was rounded up to meet the current mark - Justin Gatlin was busted and received an 8 year ban for drugs. To ensure that the women athletes do not let there male counterparts take all the limelight, 5 time olympic medalist Marion Jones has tested positive for EPO in June and it is only a matter of time before more come through. These test results hit the press and get thrown around not because of what was found but whom the test belonged to - i am sure hundreds of nameless athletes yearly pee in the cup with the realisation that their time is up and we hear nothing.

To bring the focus to this great southern land we have a drug problem in sports but thanks to the great Australian tradition of "getting loaded" it is not performance enhancing. Our sport stars do not shoot themselves up with EPO or other such things but instead have a tendency to get white line fever - easily identifiable by the constant sniffles and having only one nostril. While not a huge star of rugby league this past week saw North Queensland front rower Mitchell Sargent getting busted for powdering his nose after a win. While it was recreational use and not performance enhancing his team decided to remove his contract and kicked him out - something that while harsh is in line with the NRL drug policy. Then if we want to talk about the legal drug of alcohol then the problem is dramatic - Boonie for example (still a god for what he did at the crease and in the air). Yet again it is of no surprise that these young blokes with cash in hand and hours to kill do not dabble in the chemical arts to pass the time. Australians would be surprised if they were found to be on the juice, not if they were found rocking up to the games, with pupils the size of golf balls and a tendency to hug people or inanimate objects, glow stick in hand.

Whilst the general public knows that sports and drugs go hand in hand, like a good Chinese feed and a messy tablecloth, why do governing bodies assume that the sports are clean? Why, when their half assed testing methods actually catch someone, do they proclaim they are winning the war on drugs, when society is losing the same war? It would be refreshing for a sport to acknowledge that they will never win the drug race but they are doing everything they can to narrow the gap. Or just give the players freedom to take what they want and see who kill themselves first...my mistake they already do that - its called WWE.

TimeWastin:
Winners say no - Jordan top 10 dunks.
This winner said yes - Maradona tribute video
Daily Sudoku game

ITS BACK

For the past month or so i have been walking around unfulfilled. For some unknown reason while i was seeing everything that the large fruit (big apple) has to offer there was a void in me - possibly in the sub cockle region, maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, maybe even in the colon but i dont know. It was not until the past week that that void was filled and that filler was football.

After such a great world cup - by far the best one i have watched, thanks socceroos - i think i actually was suffering from withdrawal symptoms. In hindsight it is no surprise, given that i had a month solid of watching very good football to be left with out any replacement. Perhaps those clever people at nicerbate can develop some patches that slowly release highlights into your blood stream so that you can get on with life. They could actually market an entire range of post world cup patches depending on how well your team did. They would invariably then need to release a patch to the poor unfortunates who live on the other side of the world of any world cup host nation, to slowly release caffeine and other stimulants to keep you awake during those boring daylight hours between the next lot of games.

The first step to my fulfilment was on Wednesday night when i went and saw the newest Socceroos take to the field against the football giants Kuwait. While many people said the game was boring, and they were right, to see my national team perform and come away with a win they did not deserve was excellent. To add the ground swell of support (read: bandwagon) that turned the previously blue aussie stadiums to the "sea of gold" put the icing on the cake.

Then over the weekend the mighty lions 1XI roared and had a win and a draw in the final 2 games of the season. While we did not play so well in patches this season the 1XI showed what we were capable of and all are keen for next season and championship glory. Hopefully the referees will be just as keen for next season and decide to do their job as opposed to watching the hacking fest that most our games turn into.

Today with Liverpool getting through to the next stage of the champions league i am happy as the proverbial swine in feces. No longer am i unfulfilled and i owe that to football (and a very big sandwich) being back.

Time Wastin:
For the simpson fans out there - create a character
In case you picked up the dennis leary reference earlier - enjoy

Back to normal

It seems finally my jetsetting lifestyle is coming to an end. After being in South Africa, UK, USA and Alice Springs in the previous 4 weeks my life is getting back to normal = more blog.

But before i get to the reason for todays entry must take time to update peoples on my life:
1)Tam finally got back from the states after her flight got delayed 24hrs. The bastards not only delayed her flight numerous hours but got her to board and then sit on the plane while they fixed a second fault. They finally managed to shut the door and all looked good but an hour after take off the plane turned around due to the cockpit window being dodgy under pressure at altitude. Morale of the story is never fly united.
2)Lions Football is finished for the season and we ended on a high note with a win - one last club song never goes astray. To the boys involved well done and hopefully we can kick on with the same team for next season.
3)I have gotten fat - alright i have gotten fatter. To say that i have gotten fat would be to indicate that i was previously not fat which is not technically correct. Weight is all relative. Relative to me in 10 years i am thin, relative to me 10 years ago i am a tubby bastard.

Now the real reason for my update is to comment on the most common of common grounds the sporting arena. While in New York with tamsky and her familia we went to see the Yankees play the most sacred of American past times - baseball. It was an experience which all most try at least once as it was a true insight to America.

In order to get to Yankee Stadium you catch the train and that in itself was interesting given that the game was mid week yet the trains were full of the recognisable NY logo. No one, it seems, was at work. or maybe it was a true indication of the size of the city that the offices were full and the stadium was easily 3/4 full. Then once off the train you have to work through a sea of people just to get your tickets. Should you run out of steam getting through the masses you could always grab a hot dog or pretzel from the carts that bombarded you from all sides. I have never worked so hard just to sit on my ass and watch sport!

The stadium was amazing and the atmosphere was great but the game itself is crap. One of the coolest things are the guys who are running around and selling stuff through the stands. While we are starting to see some of that creep into the footy here it is very different. The average dude selling cornettos at the swans is just as happy to stand and watch the game as the guy in the seats and only sells shit when someone actually grabs them - over there it is a living for these people and these guys are working there butts off.

It is an amazing experience to see these guys carry around crates of beer, pretzels, hot dogs and chips and the transactions that follow. Each guy has a different style of peddling their wares with the chips dudes being the coolest as they just throw bags of chips in all directions and then they walk up a minute or two later and get the cash. Even getting paid is an amazing thing as dudes are just passing down their hard earned to some unknown strangers who just keep the ball moving until the sellers gets his cash. Then the process is reversed if change is required.

Imagine the next time you are at the bunnies (or insert league team of your choice) and you have the hankering for some freshly reheated "meat" in either a pie or dog format - you just pass some cash to the dude next to you and in seconds you get your change and your food. No more getting your toes destroyed, beer or food dropped on you because the well meaning but trashed yobbo wants another pie/round/piss/throw up in someones shoe. The yanks are onto something here...

TimeWastin:
They make it look easy and great soundtrack - Parkour
Simple but addictive - yeti sports

This is a cv

Just a very quick one today as i have no time but must get this out because i am impressed. May get back to adding more later.
This link is for a cool little game that this guy wrote to try and get a job. Put on your goggles and take control of a plane as it flies over cities thanks to google maps.
http://www.isoma.net/games/goggles.html

Gone arethe days of just bullshitting on your cv you now actually have to do something - good thing i work in the family business :-)

ball of slime...ah the memories

I knew it was too good to be true. While i was in New York walking down near time square one night i noticed the billboard below. I thought it was hysterical, took photo and moved on. Then today the captain sent me this image to refresh my memory of this and the google bug took over and thanks to the search engine fairies was presented with this http://thatgirlemily.blogspot.com/ - bloody good stuff.
(not actual photo as tam has camera)













After further googleing (what is the correct spelling and term here?) i unfortunately found out it was not real but just a creative promotion for courtTV, a yank TV show about court cases - they are clever with their naming systems, must have outsourced to the kitchen appliance naming institute - FRESHER. Upon revisiting this billboard it occurred to me what a great word slimeball is, something that has been removed from my vocabulary for no other reason than my memory.

This type of word is attributed to the school yard, probably more focused on primary school, and because of that does not get often used in grown up circles. i generally try to make a conscious effort to include more playground words in my day to day life ever since gert was nicknamed fattyboomstix/fattyboomba - that fateful day, not too distant from the lumber incident, changed me forever. No longer was i confined by grown up speak to describe feces as shit or crap but to go back to my roots and call it poo or cachie or caka (transliteration only). From that day till evermore i will always have the quick "dehr brain" rejoinder back in my arsenal for whenever my wit fails me. Should you try and have a go at me remember that you are not far from facing the wrath of my stupidhead attack.

TimeWastin:
Never seen the show but seems funny - discussion on Anal
Football funnies video

I think i have forgotten this before

After a very relaxed weekend, soccer cancelled and parents away so have house and new plasma TV to myself, i am back in the chair and feeling groovy. For those who are reading this and i have not contacted to say hello - sorry but did you expect anything less?

More on my trip:
After bidding the Stern's conference group farewell i was ready for a mentally draining and physically demanding flight from Johburg to London and then connecting to NY. The flights were not that bad but very long and the movies were not great - I do however recommend Hoodwinked, kids show granted but still enjoyed it.

Crashed at Jays place that first night so met him for lunch, dumped my bags at his place - yet again thanks mate - and headed out to explore the city. Whilst i have been to the states plenty of times i have never been to New York that i can remember, so my first impressions may be different from those who have never been to the US at all. First thing that really struck me was that the placed seemed very familiar to me and sitting here i realise why -I have seen so much of it on TV. It never occoured to me that the street signs, streets, taxis, blocks and even the sky line all fell perfectly into place and i guess subconsciously i already identified these landmarks/icons by where the various csi/detectives/romantic comedy had been before. I am not sure if that is a commentry on how much TV i watch or the level of influence that this city has on the global community.

The other first impression (actually by definition it could not be a first impression as i outlined my first previously but second impression just sounds funny - like listening to a clown (boom boom)) was the place was pretty clean. While i probably never went to the shadier parts of town the place seemed pretty clean given the size of the population and the pace of the place. The trains were cleaner than ours and they have huge volumes of bodies to move daily. The streets were not covered with crap - there was a lot of rubbish in bags but not shit lying around. On the first full day i had it was very bloody hot and while some streets were on the nose it was nothing compared to the stank that you find in Bangkok.

Must get back to it - hopefully can get some free time to finish off the rest.

TimeWastin:
HK - not the place to buy dodgy watches but the Aussie playing for the mighty Liverpool -great goal
Dangerous but very funny - this is why i can not ride a bike

Good to be back

Well after a brief hiatus I am back on board and ready to type. For those who do not know I went to Africa for a safari and then to the states with my better half and her family. The trip was excellent and I noticed many things – most of which will come up here in the next few days.

While I was abroad I heard little if anything about this great land down under so can not comment on recent events her so will have to comment on my trip.

Started in South Africa for a safari which my company paid for as a sales incentive to our distributors. All up there were 25 in the group including my sister, Eleanor. The trip went perfectly with flights and accommodation being sweet. Went to 2 different game parks and saw crap loads of animals but unfortunately no KILLS or eating of flesh. I however did my best to keep the grazing population down by chowing down on Impala, Springbok (tasted even better after the rugby destruction our boys dished out), Kudu and Ostrich - being the best by far.
If you have been thinking about going on safari i highly recommend the Madikwe game reserve and particularly the Tau game lodge.

Also while in S.Africa caught up with Greg E and watched the World Cup Final - mate it was good to see you and only a shame that we did not get a chance to have more time together. I will not go into the game as i think everyone is happy with the result and disappointed with the brain explosion by Zizou.

i will fill in the rest later as i have to get back to work.

South African Highlights:
Greg E, eating meat at every meal, animals, black label beer, african tribal music
South African Lowlights:
Early morning starts, did not see a leopard, phone dying after getting off the plane (Nokia you let me down)

TimeWastin:
Sniper game - cool but too short
The funniest interview ever - the king of high talkers

o-le ole ole ole

Bang a drum its almost on, the final of finals is just 3 sleeps away.

After all the ups and downs that are part and parcel of the beautiful game it has produced 2 worthy finalists - France and Italy. Both teams are recognised European powerhouses of football yet both were not picked as winners. Les Blues (France) almost did not make it past the first round despite having a fairly comfortable grouping. The Azzurri (Italy) repeatedly rode their luck with a much agonised win over the Socceroos and then a special goal minutes before going into penalties against Germany.

Yet both teams have such class that none are surprised that they are playing for the cup. Between the 2 they have one the World Cup 4 times, France more recently in 98 and Italy 34,38 and 82. To truly show the quality of their lineups, Les Blues and the Azzurri have 7 out of the 10 men shortlisted for the Golden Ball - the mvp of mvp's.

Now the real question is what sets there game apart from what we do down under? And the answer is obvious and clear if you read the previous paragraphs - they have cool names.

Not only are the teams names very cool (they both reference the colour blue) but the player names themselves are hela cool. Sure we have the socceroos but it does not cut the mustard in global standings - even first timers Ghana are called the Black Stars (cooler than ours because they have black in their name - that is the new black).

Then if we start to look at actual player names we also drop the ball. In our entire line up we have no single named players (Ronaldo, Ronahldinho and Stern John to name a few) nor any lastnames ending in 'o' - nicknames like davo don't count. If we really wanted to be taken seriously we need to develop players with alliteration involved - Zinedine Zidane. When you have a last name like Zidane and you name your child Zinedine you are destining them to acheive great things in either the sporting fields or the circus.

In order for us to move forward as a footballing nation we need to embrace the single name, alliteration and the 'o' endings. The only player in our current line up who i think can hold a candle up to the global gale of cool names is the bean pole Joshua Kennedy. While there is no 'o' or alliteration he looks like Jesus (pronounced hes-us) and that has to count for something.

TimeWastin:
After all that get you brazillian name - if you are not happy put your middle name in as well

The capt'n has delivered again Crouch and Rooney

Been out for ages but still cool - Chuck Norris Facts

To balance it out a selection of Mr T. Facts

David by another name...

Senor Grunstein,Dave,Grunners,DJ Funstein,Groon,Groony,Wookie,Funksteen,dude
and the ever popular...47

All of the above represent one character who, when he isnt "hitting that shit" or celebrating "green monday","messy thursday" or "destroying a toilet", is a mate and its his birthday today - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. For a present i will ensure its kresners round when next we get together.

TimeWastin:
Found this again - armageddon possibly the funniest things i ever heard on the net needs real player
It seems like a good idea - http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/ check the vids
For the basketball fans - 720 dunk short video

Gobble Gobble

With all the recent uproar about the big brother house and the "sexual assault" of a housemate i think its time i put my massive two cents into this debate. While i do not officially watch the show Tam is mad keen on it, so as a result i watch it out of nothing better to do. Also it gives me ammunition for watching sbs arthouse (read: porn) movies..."I watched big brother so you can watch this documentary on carpet munching"

In case you are unaware of what happened over the weekend a female housemate was held down and slapped on the head by a male member of the house's member - video currently available here - and as a result the incident caused both of them to get the ass. This is known as a Turkey Slap and begs the question who the hell slapped a turkey and then thought that's the same sound as a penis hitting a face. I mean teabag i can understand...

While all will agree that it is not right to rub your genitals in someones face without permission - is it right to call it sexual assault, when it was clearly done in jest and no complaint was made? If it is technically sexual assault, and supposedly it is, why are they not being charged for it? The police have been shown the video and will not press charges but these dudes are having reputations destroyed - surely something is not right here, either charge them or shut the hell up. These boys did something stupid, funny though, and have paid the price for it - they have lost the 15 minutes of fame they had awaiting them and the opportunities that gives - surely the papers labeling them as sexual predators is not needed.

On the other hand its a worse crime to televise this crap and take up valuable viewing time...

TimeWastin:
today's distraction is a late inclusion from weeds - good work bud.

One better than the bunnies

If my maths are correct i have managed to write 2 days in a row, if only the mighty rabbitohs could manage the same. Maybe big Rus will get his 30 foot of grunt into gear and pound a performance out of them. Could be worse i suppose - i could support the roosters...

The boss is back today after a wonderful 3 weeks absence and accordingly the pressure is back on. That said the mood upon his return is far better than expected so must have had a good time. Did not get anythin good from his trip except from Croatian beer - bonus, will drink it while watching a replay of the mighty socceroos teaching them a footballing lesson on how to draw and win crowd support.

Speaking of football, tonight is the first semi final and while i am not particulaly keen for either Germany or Italy to go through, I choose pasta,pizza, fast cars and canoli (Mmm...canoli) over sauerkraut - Ze germans are playing very well though and probably will win.

TimeWastin:
Following are received from Captain Slezmak - well in G-slez

The hobbies of Fabio Grosso (Player who's dive ended our chances) -







*Update: check the Peter Crouh link from yesterday as it has more - genius work.

I choose to begin now

After many an evening spent talking crap - to be honest i do not restrict my bullshit to evenings as those who know me will agree - i have decided to take the next step and put fingers to keyboard.

The purpose of this page is to let the world know what i am doing/thinking/eating whenever the whim takes me. Sure i could just call people up and advise them such things but i am lazy at communicating at the best of times. While some may think that it is hypocritical to say that i am lazy and point out that if i were truly too lazy to communicate then i would not do the blog in the first place. I look at it logically - i spend 15 minutes typing crap and then email all and sundry about it and everyone is up to date - with one small click of the publish button i can reach all and get back to being lazy. The internet is the lazy persons perfect medium for communication - maximum exposure, minimal effort!

Given the current climate in our great city i must address the inevitable - Socceroos. As a long time soccer player (still getting used to the football re-brand) and supporter of the game I am super happy that our boys stood up for themselves and really put on some quality - and at times physical - football. With years of watching our national team play the beautiful game far from beautifully, it was emotional to see our boys not only notch a win onto our world cup scorecard but get through to the round of 16. Well done you footballroos and i trust that this will be the start of our football glory.


For all those who hoped on the bandwagon make yourself comfortable because, as Old Blue Eyes puts it, the best is yet to come.

TimeWastin:
More of the Peter Crouch photos
Best world cup site - just need it in english. click on the score to get video replay of goals.