Bowral - Last weekend

TS and i had a weekend away and went to Bowral, for those who are not aware it has more to offer than the Bradman museum - food. We went here once last year and ate well but missed trying out Eschalot (SMH Chef Hat)so we decided to go back once we had a reservation - hence the trip.

We set off on Saturday morning after gym and after a very easy 70 minutes we were in Bowral. As luck would have it we were too early for check in to our accom so we decided to hit the Bong Bong St (main st of Bowral) to see what Bowral had to offer. Thanks to a tip from Delicious magazine we headed to the farmers market, second Saturday of the month, in the public school and was not dissapointed. Whilst not being a big fruit lover it looked and smelt awesome. TS picked up some Raspberry jam, bloody good stuff, which won some award at the Easter Show. Spent the rest of the day walking around and checking out the shops with the highlight being the burger i had for lunch at Gastronome - good place with supposedly good coffee but didnt try.

Dinner was excellent and can honestly say better than other Chef Hat places or Sydney's established top eateries. Service was very friendly and other than waiting awhile for the bill had no complaints.

The menu was good and the wine list strong but for my tastes the entree section was limited - however the pork belly was very popular for those who dig on swine. Thanks to the Masterchef series i embarked on my first Terrine experience with a veal version served with homegrown/made beetroot and sour dough, whilst TS sat it out in favour of dessert. The Terrine was very good and whilst it probably does not do it justice, it tasted like a quality suasage with a bonus of Pistachio flavour hit every mouthful or so - would not shy away from the Terrine again.

Mains is where its at for me and this place did not let me down, duck for myself and lamb for TS. The lamb was perfectly cooked and very tasty with the serve size being solid, however TS represented leaving nothing. My main was SUPERB with probably the best duck i have eaten - this animal must have had a great life because his meat was so tasty. I think he had never known pain or hardship up until the point he was fated to give his breast and leg for my cause and my stomach would like to thank him for his positive attitude. The only negative was that i am trying to get healthy and a large chunk of the tasty and fatty skin had to be left for the plate washing gods - I am sure the Chef was insulted when some idiot left the best part on the plate, if you are reading this know that i did it for the greater good. Both mains were top notch and a glass of the local Rose were the icing on the cake that was main course.
Coffee and Dessert rounded out the meal with TS ordering the chocolate fondant that was tasty but too goey for either of our likings, probably could have done with another minute or 2 in the oven. This place is a must try for anyone who enjoys food and the price is also pretty good considering the quality on offer, and being just over an hour out of Sydney its very easy for an overnighter.

Friday Funny

Weiss delivers the goods

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was on heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Rick, a big Kiwi lad and former All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Rick, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Rick was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Rick showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Rick announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:

"Fust", he said, "I don't want to have to kuss 'er."

"Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thuss." The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was.

"Wull," said Rick, "you gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."

Funny Stuff

Stumble delivered the goods this morning - 86 Rules of Boozing

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

--Frank Kelly Rich

http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/01-02/01_02_booze_rules.htm